Love, 1/23/10

I had a weird dream last night that took me to a lot of different places with a lot of different people. At one point I was back at SIG, again, and seeing my girls and new campers. President Obama was there, seeing our program and how it works, and I got to meet him and hug him. I remember almost crying and texting “OMG I JUST HUGGED PRESIDENT OBAMA - TWICE!” and almost sending it to Twitter & Facebook when I realized, in my dream, that I was dreaming. So I didn’t. And I was sad cause I knew it hadn’t been real. I strangely feel better, though, knowing that I at least had a real dream that I was hugging him, a dream I can still see and feel and remember, not just a fantasy I made up on my own. Ha.

The part of my dream that sticks with me the most, though, is about a boy. I don’t really remember his face, or his name, and the only part I can still visualize is us cuddled on a bed laughing, and I remember thinking we might fall off the bed if we rolled any further to the side. I vaguely remember a few other things but not enough to describe without making things up. I may not remember much with my senses, but I do remember a lot with my heart. I remember how I felt, and it is a feeling I can not describe and have never felt before, not like that. It was love. Pure, absolute love. I can’t explain how I know this or how it felt… But I was watching a show earlier and the couple, who had just lost their daughter and were having trouble, had a sweet moment when she told him she missed him, and it was like déjà vu. Not the words or the moment, but the feeling. I remembered that love. I felt it. I don’t know who he was, or anything about that moment. Where, when, how old we were, how long we’d known each other, but I do know this - we were in love. And it was more than what I’ve ever felt for anyone. For Benjy, for Matt, even more than what I feel when I daydream about meeting my future husband. Whoever this guy was, he IS my future husband, but it was greater than I imagined.

Part of me feels like I’ve caught a glimpse of him. I am convinced that sometimes your dreams can predict the future. I’ve experienced it and seen others experience it. I wish there was a database to post your dreams, see if anyone else had the same dream. Like the Mosaic project. Ha. I’d love to see if a guy out there had the same dream, if he dreamt about me. Because I feel like I had a glimpse into this guy’s soul. Like he was truly real, not just someone I made up. I think he was partially made up, based on the guy from the episode of “Heroes” I watched yesterday. I don’t think I saw him face but I have the feeling he wore glasses. But either way - I feel like he’s out there. Or at least, someone is out there, someone who I will be able to lay with and laugh with and feel that beautiful sensation of love for. Thinking about it and remembering the feeling makes my chest tighten up, but not in a painful way. My heart stops, as if in awe of the feeling and emotions it is experiencing. It was beautiful.

I know that sounds crazy. I know it does. But it is very real. I can’t shake it.

<3